Anna and David had been married for 12 years when depression hit. Anna, depressed on and off for years, had been trying desperately to hold it together but, it wasn’t possible to maintain the household on a daily basis while David worked at his demanding job. Resentment began to build as David ended up working a 40 plus hour work week while taking care of dinner, cleanup, homework with the kids and bedtime. Sex was barely an occurrence in their household anymore. David could barely keep it together and the couple began fighting on a daily basis over just about everything. Living with depression wreaking havoc on their marriage, Anna and David had no idea where to go from here.
Dealing With Resentment Built By Depression
Depression in marriage often causes the unhealthy spouse to pull away from the relationship. Not because the love is no longer there, but because they feel genuine disinterest and an unwillingness to put in the effort necessary to sustain a healthy bond. The depressed wife, like Anna, simply cannot maintain the responsibilities of the day to day routine. Sexual intimacy suffers as lack of interest grows and the foundation of the marriage begins to crack as the non-depressed spouse, like David, cannot hold up the marriage alone. This has a spiral effect on every aspect of the marriage.
In a perfect world, it will seem to the non-depressed spouse that there is something wrong with the marriage and immediately seek outside help or look for remedies. In reality, most relationships don’t realize what is happening to them. The healthy spouse will begin to question the investment of the depressed spouse and resentment begins to build. Often times, the guilt on the non-depressed husband or wife grows significantly, as they never feel that they are getting what they need and they cannot possibly give more than they already are. The emotional bank account between the couple has been overdrawn.
Finding Support and Ways To Heal
It is tremendously difficult to watch the person you love in pain. It is even more difficult to feel helpless against depression and the havoc it wreaks in everyone’s life around it. But, there are things that both spouses dealing with depression needs and there are ways you can support the one you love during this difficult time. Seeking counseling is often the best line of defense when dealing with depression and marriage. Statistics often quickly point to divorce and the high occurrence in depressed relationships. Beginning to open the lines of communication can rapidly improve rebuilding that foundation and save the marriage.
Reopening Lines of Communication
Depression can often be spurred on by a feeling of not being understood, not feeling heard. The pit of despair opens up and swallows the depressed spouse whole. Just knowing that someone cares, can listen and hold their hand can be tremendous in recovery from depression. It is imperative that both lines of communication get reopened and that there is quality listening on both sides.
It can also be helpful to communication lines if the couple is able to research about the effects of Depression so that they can be aware of symptoms and how to deal with them as they come. Married partners must work together to support each other through the difficult, often lonely times of depression. Self-help and support books such as the Ebook found on www.endyourdepression.com can be essential tools in improving your relationship.
Improving Health and Self-Image
Often the depressed wife or husband will have lost or gained a significant amount of weight due to the indifference depression bring. Appetite and low energy are two well-known symptoms of depression. Poor self-image is then increased as you look in the mirror and don’t like who you see. This can cause issues in your ability to feel attractive to your spouse regardless of the non-depressed spouse’s reassurance of love and affection. Changes in diet and starting a workout regimen that appeals to you are proven successful ways of increasing energy levels, getting yourself to healthy weight and improving self-worth. The old adage when you ‘look good, you feel good’ really does hold true. When you like what you see in the mirror you can begin to reconnect with others including your spouse and let him back in.
Getting Up and Out For Others Sake
Routine and boredom with life itself can bring bouts of depression. Shaking things up, getting out together and breaking monotony can be incredible to bringing the light back into a dimmed marriage. Taking a class, cooking dinner together or even volunteering in the community can all bring about a feeling of wholeness and purpose that fights the depressed spouse.
Rekindling Intimacy In the Marriage
Sexual intimacy is hit hard in a marriage dealing with depression. Intimacy lacking in a relationship can build up huge walls of resentment. Lack of interest from the depressed spouse, anger from the non-depressed spouse creates a recipe for disaster. Reopening the lines of communication is often the best way to rekindle the intimacy. Sharing deep feelings, looking into each other’s eyes and rebuilding the trust in the relationship with all become factors that will help grow the connection and bring back the sexual intimacy necessary to resuscitate a marriage dealing with depression.
Therapy Intervention to Bring Back Reconnection
When all other options have been explored perhaps it is time to get the depressed wife or husband to a therapist for some intervention. Talk Therapy has been a proven method of healing as communication can be facilitated by a professional who has the ability to help get to the roots of the problems. Often having the support of both spouses in sessions or marriage counseling can also be vital tools in rebuilding the foundation.
When the Marriage Fails
Sometimes it is just too late. Depression and resentment ruin the marriage when the caretaker simply cannot deal with the spouse anymore or the depressed spouse simply walks away. As the marriage ends the depressed spouse can get worse. A Post-Marriage Depression really requires intervention from a qualified therapist or psychologist to move forward.
Depression and Marriage are difficult partners to deal with. However, there are plenty of defenses against this disease and through communication, healthy self-image, intimacy and education a marriage can survive and become even stronger.